love affair or human nature

Asked By: # blaze on 06/21/2010, 9:06AM Report

I'm happily married.  But i have two close male friends.  One from school days and the other, from the day i got married. He lived with my husband and me. So we are close friends.

Recently my school friend start keeping intouch with me and we kind of got closer again, just for him to reveal that he had actually loved me ever since school days. But never thought he is good enough for me.  Now he is also happily married but feels he had to tell me that he always loved me and will always do. 


Where else the second guy, who is also happily married with two kids n lives overseas.  He kept intouch with me via emails n visit us whenever he and his family come back for holiday.  But on his last visit, he confest that he had loved me for the past 16 years...thats how long my husband and i know him. The thing is, i am extremely close to this guy from day one, we connect and understand each other easily.

Now, that he tells me he loves me, i am confused because i do have strong feelings for him. But never expected anything out of it.  

The issue, the school mate guy, i am not so worried about cause i dont have any affection towards him.  But the second guy, well i've always had my doubt, i just did not want to admit that i had feelings for him. But now that he confessed, i cant stop myself from responding. We sms and chat very often, and its like lovers and no more like close friends.  But we do not go beyond that, at least we have not. He puts our situation as human nature for me i take it as betrayal towards our spouses but with that guilt hanging, i still cant get this friend out of my thought. I want to be loved by him and i want to love him. I am just hoping that in time we would be strong enough to accept the fact that we are married and we let our feelings lay low.

Can you advise why such feelings exist, especially when on my part, i dont have any complaint on my spouse. I am so very happy with him. How could my heart still love another man.

Tags: love 

Best Answer

1
# gus on 07/01/2010, 9:32PMReport
Your (and your husband's) friend is correct when he says that it's human nature to the extant that we don't have control over who we fall in love with. In other words, it is not connected to our conscious thought, but is something that develops in the sub-conscious. It is also not unusual to romantically love two different people, but these feelings are generally different in nature and different in the way we want to express. 
If you feel that what you feel toward the other man is real, then more likely than not it is real.

In regards to your communication with this man through sms and chat, it is again not unusual to have the need to open up to someone and be able to talk to them about things that you otherwise could not with your significant other. 

That being said, however, I cannot advise you on any specific action. In reality, no one can. It is up to you, and only you, to make such decisions. Whether you think your current correspondence is betrayal or not, I don't have the power to label. What I can say is this--when you  make a decision, you have to find a balancing point between what you want to do and what you think is the right thing to do because you happiness is possibly at stake, yet you cannot forget that any decision you make can potentially affect the lives of quite a few people. 

Good luck

Sign Up Login |

Sponge